what is it about money that can make you sooooo depressed.

i know being rejected by a rental business shouldn't make me so emotional but it does

so many things go through my head.

how will i get through life with imperfect credit, how will it effect the one i love Rachael.

will my bad credit make her scared what happens when i want to buy a home.

this is sooo stupid i am crying over it.

i hate myself right now.

why did i have to try so hard to please Danyela (my ex-wife) why did i buy her a new car and get a loan for her to fix up that old mustang? why did i believe her when she said she would pay it back? why do i defend her still?

she was awful to me and left me with all the bills to pay i have gotten most of them gone but the way she left them is still hurting my credit and me.

i am sorry. i hate this.

i have pulled myself out of debt at least six times because of her and have lost over $12,000 paying back everything she left me, but still every time my parents call i still fear another bill has come back from god knows where i can't even enjoy my parents phone calls, and after all i have gone through to get back on my feet a little thing like this just reminds me of all the pain of climbing out of debt over and over again.

i have pulled myself out of debt but the credit it left behind still effects me.

Fuck.

i hate myself at times like this.