Another night out on the shoot.

Last night was a strange night. I started my night heading to a fatal car crash.

Sad and lame story behind this point, be warned.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)

sad to say but it was going as usual. sad to say that their is a usual for deadly car crashes, but i digress. it was usual for me it was pitch black there was a mangled car in front of me and my camera and police and the usual by-stander walking around me seeming not to notice me (which is what I like I would rather go unnoticed at these things). now remember I have my eye and full attention on the camera and its viewing lens so the world around me is black in both visual and auditory nothing to distract me.

I can hear a non descriptive conversation between a few people behind me but I go on not noticing it until the woman screams out in what can only be described as fear, pain and desperation. No movie will ever be able to recreate this sound. her screams of pain in finding out her 17 year old son was dead is now permanently scared into my memories. I had goosebumps and chills for the rest of the time I was on the scene. This poor woman was on the ground balling just feet away from me. I felt to afraid to move until her husband carried her to her vehicle where her crying was still audible behind all the vehicle and noise of a crash.

I cried for a moment before I left the scene. the part that bugs me is I have no idea why I began crying once I was alone in my vehicle but I had to compose myself before leaving.

but later in the evening I had a very serene moment. Utah had a view of the partial Lunar Eclipse and I was to film it. so I sat next to a lake listening to the ducks that surrounded me having sooo many conversations while I filmed the moon traveling across the night sky. it was such a quiet and perfect moment. and Arcade Fire's music in my headphones hung around my neck made for an amazing moment. I like to think the ducks where talking about how much they enjoyed the Arcade Fire in that moment as much as I did.

here is a sample of the music that made my night perfect.




finally I snapped some pics to remember the night.
I apologize for the quality it was with my camera phone.

parasomnia is not just a bad movie from 2008

I started sleep walking again last night.

Well it is a form of sleep walking call parasomnia. I dream some experience then I dream that I am doing something to rectify that previous dream, and I find out the next day that I was actually doing that.

take last night for example I had a dream that my bed was crawling with bugs. and apparently I got up and asked my family to spray me with bug spray (which luckily they did not). after they refused I went back to bed. so not a big experience but it usually starts small and eventually gets stranger.

last time woke I found myself in my car a block from home. scary to think I could drive in my sleep.

I will keep you updated to any changes or escalations.

great night with an EX (seems to be the theme of my life)

Me and Kit got together tonight to go watch a movie "Kick Ass" and it did just that. Great movie nice tightrope walk between superhero homage and parody. Despite the good movie the highlight of the night for me was the return of the old Bryan.

I was in fine form tonight. I said "low hanging nut-sack," "titty fuck," "blowjob," among many other possibly offensive things in plain public. I also explained why a hand-job is a great payment for a movie ticket to my elderly ticket saleslady (hey she asked and laughed afterwards so get over it).

why is this a good thing? some of you new to the world of Bryan might be asking, but those elders to my ways remember this as the old Bryan. A sexual man not afraid of offending (with good taste of knowing when not to take it to this in certain situations).

For some reason I have been suppressing this part of my personality. I have been sooo tame. I didn't realized how much I missed this part of me. Thanks to Kit for being the Ginnie pig for me.

cognoscor ego sum (I am known therefor I am) Part #1

For no reason at all here is a list of musicians I could love simply for there voice (all though they are all amazing musicians otherwise).

1. Leonard Cohen

Here is a great example of how his voice can create a mood. This is his song "Everybody Knows" and his deep gritty voice defines the depressing message of this song.



(other note he wrote the original version of the "hallelujah")



2. Tricky

Incase you are among the large percentage of people who have never heard Tricky let be the first to welcome to the other side of the road. Even if you never enjoy Trip Hop (a genre of music invented by Tricky and Goldie) you can't deny that his voice (which is not changed electronically) is mesmerizing.





3. Bob Dylan

Don't think I could make this list without mentioning Bob Freakin Dylan. His voice is almost as famous as he is. The music world would be unrecognizable without the influence of Dylans voice. Just imagine how bad this would sound sung by "Brittney Spears" as a matter of fact don't. Save yourself the pain.



4. Johnny Cash

This one is kinda personal. My voice dropped at the ripe age of 8. Needless to say I was pretty embarrassed being the only 8 year old with a voice deeper than his fathers, but my father used to sing Johnny cash with me to make me feel better about my voice (which by the way wasn't as bad as I felt it was the mind). It helped. So, this one goes out to my dad. he spent a good chunk of my life making me feel ok about being Bryan. This is just 1 example.



5. Nina Simone

Here is the 1st lady on the list. I can't really remember a time when I haven't heard Nina's voice. I must thank my family for bringing an abundance of influence into my life and allowing me to choose for myself which ones I wanted to follow. This is one of Ms. Simones songs that has always felt right to me. For one of the few things I want is to be understood.



6. Elliot Smith

There are too many amazing songs by E.S. to post em all. His imperfectly toned voice is the perfect fit for the beautifully painful lyrics he filled his songs with. With every word you could hear his pain and feel a little better knowing you are not alone in yours. I know this is a bit sappy but the next time you are sad just listen to E.S. and you will understand.





this is just part one of this blog stay tuned for the rest of my choices.

My Harry Potter night

I got to put together a package for the news on the Harry Potter opening night. It was pretty fun but it made me miss Rachael a bit more. I hope her harry potter night was even more fun.

5 oclock in the AM

my AC is broken and in St. George that can be a freakin killer. it is currently 92 degrees in my room. so as you may well imagine i can not sleep.

I am just lying here annoyed and lonely. I am tired of being lonely. I sit here a lot of nights thinking about whether other people are thinking about me or whether they think of me at all. when you are isolated geographically from a lot of the people your mind can be your worst enemy. planting ideas in itself and filling your thoughts with strange quotas.

it really is difficult to explain but let me just say that I am lonely. It seems to happen mostly on the weekend, but the disgruntled feeling i have towards the crazy heat (that is only going to get worse), my broken AC, my inability to sleep, and other negative thoughts are all combining to a very un-Bryan like "me" at the moment.

or maybe it is very Bryan like and i just only see it at times. If it is I apologize to all those who have to deal with my disgruntled and angry ways.

either way: I need sleep. I am off to jump into a quick cooling shower then try this whole sleep thing again. thankfully I don't have to get up early. wish me luck!

my week so far

This week i got ot film my boss get his blood draw.


I also got to do pet of the week and just today i got to meet and interview this really good and fun artist. she is going up north to do the street chalk festival up at the gateway mall. so if you happen to go the the chalk art festival this friday/saturday try and find her this is the painting she will be recreating at the festival.


tell her i enjoy the reprint she gave me. this is a picture of it.



kinda creepy but i think its beautiful.

first week out of school and at work

being graduated feels pretty much the same as not being graduated. I started working at KCSG so far I am just shadowing watching how they do everything. I have been doing most of it for the last few years at the college so it is just me learning how they do it. I am pretty sure mostly I will be doing audio on the live broadcast of the news and being photojournalist for the anchors. so pretty much making the anchors look and sound good.

I have been really busy all week all the way up til Saturday when i got up at 6 am to drive 2 hours both ways to record a protest. i sent the story up to KSL in salt lake for their broadcast as well I don't know if they will use it but they asked for it.

so far work is pretty fun and pretty busy.

so busy that I didn't get to really talk to Rachael until Saturday night. she told me she is planning a few trips with friends. I am happy see is getting to see old friends and visit seattle (if she does get to go) but part of me is a bit jealous, st. George can be so boring sometimes.

I am really looking forward to the cruise we get to go on. i have never even been on a boat before. ever. thinking about that is kinda funny. i have never stepped on a boat before. not that i can remember.

so that is my week pretty fun and lots of new things.

lastly I still have a big portion of the ice cream cake Rachael bought me if anyone wants some i can't eat it all by myself.

child hood memories brought to life

i have been searching for pics and news about this film since i heard that is was being filmed. i have read this book over 500 times (and i am not exaggerating i read it once a day for about year when i was 7). i always wanted to know how other saw this relatively short story and now i can share it with other people. i don't care if it is not exactly as i pictured it growing up but it will be nice to have a shared experience like this.

and hearing Arcade Fires "wake up" over this trailer was beyond perfect. i felt that chill i got as a young boy again imagining what my fear and adventure would be come to life.

finally to have spike jonze direct it makes me happy inside he has doen work for beastie boys, daft punk, weezer, and many other bands that shaped the Bryan you know today.

i could say 1000 things about this movie but i will let the preview do it for me.

Where The Wild Things Are - Theatrical Trailer |

i am

Sometimes it takes a moment as simple as riding down the road on the bike and feeling the wind on your face to make you realize you are actually happy. I have been pretty happy lately and have less worries.

I have accepted all things i can't change including how people feel about me.

i have decided to change the things i can like how much time i spend reading.

i was returning from a trip to the gas station and traveling at full speed down the road and suddenly felt the wind and the rest of my senses dulled and i was just enjoying the moment. the world went slow motion and i just felt completely happy.

its been a weird week

so far this week I have

1. forgotten my wallet at home twice
2. lost and found my USB drive
3. worn my underwear inside out a whole day without noticing
4. had a DSC Camera package in my car for 36 hours without even realizing it was in there.
5. walked into a heated argument at work and had to stand there dumbfounded the whole time so i could get the teachers signature

and along side all of this Rachael Visit.

Rachael's visit was a strange one. she talked more about us ntot ending up together than us ending up together and me being a believer in "Self Fulfilling Prophecies" that makes me worry.

it did on the other hand require me to face the idea that me and Rachael could end up not together and subsequently become ok with the idea. i don't like the idea but sometimes there is nothing you can do and all i can do is be like Bryan used to be.

Living my life and letting things fall the way they do. so if I seem a bit different I apologize (sorta) but facing that idea made me realize that I can do no more.

as far as the otehr things this week I feel a week off for spring break will do me some good. i get to go to vegas for a night to visit old friends and then i get to go help the Mickelsons begin the remodel of the restaurant, and hopefully I can get a hair cut from my favorite stylist Becky back here in st. george.

tonight i am off to run audio for an orchestra for the CEC television station. this is something i have never done audio for so wish me luck.

My pal Becky

my pal Beckster just got a job at Super Cuts in St. George Utah

SUPERCUTS: PROMENADE AT RED CLIFFS

245 RED CLIFFS DR STE 12

ST.GEORGE, UT 84790

(435) 688-8080

Bravo Youn lady Bravo

this ones for you

mystery science theater continues

so you can get "Rifftracks" of new movies at: rifftrax

rifftracks are the audio track that you can play along with movies and watch newer movies mystery science theater 3000 style.

here are two examples

HARRY POTTER



X-MEN



so for like 3 bucks you can get these for the whole movie. it makes me oh so happy.

IPOD on random can make or break your day

Weezer's cover of "The Weight" by the The Band came on my IPOD by random and it made my morning sooo much better.



have any experiences that are similar of Random making or breaking your day?

today i treated myself

with one of these:

trying to blog more often

so if you want to hear the station i run here is the link to listen over the interweb thingy.

D-91 Radio

some things i learned about love

While up in Nephi for Christmas i learned a few things about that crazy little word called love:

1. how Rachael sees the word: if i understood right she saw that word used way too much as a kid from her family without as she put it "really meaning it," (ie.. love yah) and so she feels that the word should only be used when she truly feels it at that moment. it is not that she doesn't always love me she just feels an unspoken love is just as strong or stronger.

2. how i see the word: i rarely heard that word in my house an in the little times that it is used by my family is for reassurance that everything will be OK and i still love you even through the stumbles. so i like to hear it a lot more than most people cause if i don't hear it i get to my worrying ways and begin to thing something is wrong.

3. how it can make things worse: because of the aforementioned view of mine when Rachael is feeling down i feel a need to tell her that i love her to reassure. i think i am helping when in reality i am probably just reminding her of how the word can be thrown around and help nothing. so i am learning to tell her i love her by leaning up against her. and staying near her.

4. how Rachael shows it without saying it: i said this before but she holds my leg under the table and how good that makes me feel, but she does other things too. she apologizes for being angry when she does not need to, she thins of ways for both of us to get the blanket coverage we both want. she worries how much I like her gifts (she is a very good gift giver and i have yet to like any so far). these are just a few example of how she shows her love without having to say it.

taking a break

I have been writing my papers for school constantly for the last four days and I am taking a break to listen to some some classic music. take the time to have a break and enjoy these classics like i did.

Dusty Springfield "Son of a Preacher Man"



Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird"



Pink Floyd "Wish you Where Here"



The Who "Babba O Riely"



Led Zeppelin "Stairway to Heaven"

Chicago trip numero 2 never mind the misspells i suck at spelling

my trip to Chicago was cooooold and tiring

this is Rachael's pop Mr. Mickelson he paid for my plain ticket and he treats me like a part of the family. he is a very generous man he helps out anyone who needs and deserves it. just any of the number of people he has opened his house to.



I called him J.C. for most of this trip and it made me nervous. see i am used to just calling him sir but there were too many sirs there to get his attention when i needed it. and i needed it alot he let me do very important things this time like building part of the display even though i was unsure about myself but he was very good at letting me know i was doing just fine.

This is Omni Flux (yes that is his real name he had it leagaly changed and i didn't care to ask why) he was my partner in building things and was mo patient than myself he is cutting some part of the scenery i put together that was to be later moved to allow a tree in its place. we redid a lot of the stuff we built but for our first time we did alright i guess. oh yah he is another one of those people mr. Mickelson has opened his house too. he has lived with the family twice now.



this is Rachael's mom she is doing something i can't remember what but she did a lot of things that no one will notice, but they would have if they weren't done. just like a mom.



Rachael was her helper a lot of the time which can be boring just check out that bored look on her face. not really rachael is just full of funny faces. it is one of my favorite things about her.



the whole family is a funny face kinda family even her sister celeste, although in this pic the face is one of pain she has dust and wood in her eye. a perfect time for a photo opertunity. hehe



even the dad makes funny faces. sometimes i wounder if she learned it from him or if he learned it from her.



in the picture above they are stairing at what i have dubbed Mickelson Corner.
and Ta-Da here is that corner.




pretty cool huh it is a miniture of the place where the Chicago Bears' stadium and they did the planting around it. the whole family was there building. I was off under the instruction of Paula making other parts of the display "flowerific"

these are 2 places i decorated and that silver thing is a replica of a metal bean sculpture in Chicago not the tin man mooning you. which we did watch wizard of oz well the girls watched it twice i only saw it once.



let me go off on a rant about the wizard of oz that has bothered me as long as i can remember. when the scarecrow get hsi reward he says "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." this is supposed to be hime getting brains and knowing the Pythagorean theorem but this is wrong it is a right triangle. ugh a stupid thing to be urked about but still annoying to me. ok back to chicago.



I consider this to be my trail. i made it as a thing to pass the time til paula or paula gave me my next task but noone noticed it and it stayed. so if you go to see the exhibit at the chicago botanical gardens and you see wood chips it was because i was bored. nowhere else is chips seen. sorry.

oh my goodness this is my newest favorite picture of Rachael. i said before she is full of faces and i just love this one. it is her "REAAAAAALLLLLLYYYY" face. she does it when i say something she is not sure of it is her way of asking me oh really huh?




oh yah this is just me tryin to fit into the funny face family. hope i didn't to bad.




more building stuff.



this picture is nothing too important but the guy on the left is Brian he had ot leave because his wife is gonna have a baby real real soon. we has a few poeple leave early but we still gone done a day before schedule hooray for us.



these are just some early pics of us (well mostly rachael and celeste) moving in the train tracks.



hey i was helping i was perserving the memories.



Rachaels even littler sister Heather came along this trip but she spen most of her time in the green houses poor girl she was soooo bored as the rest of us worked bor like 8-9 hours a day.



this is her (Heather) she is 10 or 8 or something like that.



more moving tracks and stuff



ahh the classic bryan and rachael trip pictures. rachael's face and me standing in the hotel room. now that's some awesome memories.






at the end i was tired but felt good about the work i did. i had fun and i got to spend time with the girl i love. so chigaco was pretty cool.

hope you enjoyed my story.

My girlfriend and I made a video

get your mind out of the gutter. it was a video chat.

i discovered Google chat with video mail, and i had a video chat with my love. well i was on video and she discovered she had a hidden microphone on her lappy (i blame the CIA) talking to her always makes my day.