Another night out on the shoot.

Last night was a strange night. I started my night heading to a fatal car crash.

Sad and lame story behind this point, be warned.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)

sad to say but it was going as usual. sad to say that their is a usual for deadly car crashes, but i digress. it was usual for me it was pitch black there was a mangled car in front of me and my camera and police and the usual by-stander walking around me seeming not to notice me (which is what I like I would rather go unnoticed at these things). now remember I have my eye and full attention on the camera and its viewing lens so the world around me is black in both visual and auditory nothing to distract me.

I can hear a non descriptive conversation between a few people behind me but I go on not noticing it until the woman screams out in what can only be described as fear, pain and desperation. No movie will ever be able to recreate this sound. her screams of pain in finding out her 17 year old son was dead is now permanently scared into my memories. I had goosebumps and chills for the rest of the time I was on the scene. This poor woman was on the ground balling just feet away from me. I felt to afraid to move until her husband carried her to her vehicle where her crying was still audible behind all the vehicle and noise of a crash.

I cried for a moment before I left the scene. the part that bugs me is I have no idea why I began crying once I was alone in my vehicle but I had to compose myself before leaving.

but later in the evening I had a very serene moment. Utah had a view of the partial Lunar Eclipse and I was to film it. so I sat next to a lake listening to the ducks that surrounded me having sooo many conversations while I filmed the moon traveling across the night sky. it was such a quiet and perfect moment. and Arcade Fire's music in my headphones hung around my neck made for an amazing moment. I like to think the ducks where talking about how much they enjoyed the Arcade Fire in that moment as much as I did.

here is a sample of the music that made my night perfect.




finally I snapped some pics to remember the night.
I apologize for the quality it was with my camera phone.

parasomnia is not just a bad movie from 2008

I started sleep walking again last night.

Well it is a form of sleep walking call parasomnia. I dream some experience then I dream that I am doing something to rectify that previous dream, and I find out the next day that I was actually doing that.

take last night for example I had a dream that my bed was crawling with bugs. and apparently I got up and asked my family to spray me with bug spray (which luckily they did not). after they refused I went back to bed. so not a big experience but it usually starts small and eventually gets stranger.

last time woke I found myself in my car a block from home. scary to think I could drive in my sleep.

I will keep you updated to any changes or escalations.

great night with an EX (seems to be the theme of my life)

Me and Kit got together tonight to go watch a movie "Kick Ass" and it did just that. Great movie nice tightrope walk between superhero homage and parody. Despite the good movie the highlight of the night for me was the return of the old Bryan.

I was in fine form tonight. I said "low hanging nut-sack," "titty fuck," "blowjob," among many other possibly offensive things in plain public. I also explained why a hand-job is a great payment for a movie ticket to my elderly ticket saleslady (hey she asked and laughed afterwards so get over it).

why is this a good thing? some of you new to the world of Bryan might be asking, but those elders to my ways remember this as the old Bryan. A sexual man not afraid of offending (with good taste of knowing when not to take it to this in certain situations).

For some reason I have been suppressing this part of my personality. I have been sooo tame. I didn't realized how much I missed this part of me. Thanks to Kit for being the Ginnie pig for me.

A Day to Remember

If and when I leave Utah for good yesterday will one of the days I will think of when I reminisce about my time in the LDS State.

Good lunch with Good company, wonderful utah only weather, communicating with old friends and a relaxing end to the day in a hot tub people watching.

I don't know if I told a lot of people but Rachael and I's relationship have transitioned into friendship, but if I haven't here is your update (read above). Today Rachael and I met for a lunch and to give each other a few things we still had of the others. I arrived early as I always do and when I pulled up I parked near her car. She was even earlier than me. suddenly I got a huge lump in my throat and instantly my midn began rushing through all the negative things that could happen and the wheel of misfortune came to rest on the idea that she might have found a new boy and she brought him to this lunch. Now anyone who knows Rachael knows she wouldn't do something like this, but at the same time anyone who knows me knows that I rush to the most negative of circumstances and fixate on how this is going to go.

This did help me come to the realization that no matter how OK I am with the break-up I will still fill a little remorse once she moves on, which inevitably she will. I have no delusions about this. I think this is a normal reaction. It is difficult to think that there is someone who will be better for someone you care so much about. When it comes to that moment I know we will both handle it with maturity and care for each other. It will just show how much we can care about each other's feelings still. So I hope Rachael find someone that will make her happy forever, and the same for me, I just hope that we will be honest with each other and remain a part of each other's lives.

(funny note I have never even thought about me moving on and if that will effect her I guess that is a little selfish, but I really just have not even began to think about any future relationships)

This is the first shitty thing I have notice about being single is that I now seem to notice how girls react to me in public again. That is a nice thing about a relationship is that you always know that people you might be attracted to opinions don't mean squat compared to the person you are relationing.

After I went through all the worst case scenarios I noticed Rachael's old and her sister's new car next to hers and figured she came early to go shopping with her sister and we would all go to lunch, and that is a very much more Rachael thing to do. I can't count the number of meals I ate with Rachael and her sisters/brother.

I was smiling really big on the drive home from lunch partially because of the delicious meal form The old spaghetti factory, partially from how good the meal went, and a large part of this was the beautiful weather Utah had this day.

It is April and my front lawn still has snow waiting to melt on it. Lately Utah's weather has been horrible. Tooele received over a foot and a half of snow in the past 4 days and has been below freezing for most of the last week. yesterday it was warm sunny and blue skies.

This beautiful weather along with the white and black mountain backdrop made for some breath taking scenery.

The scenery was complimented perfectly by reconnecting with some friends from St. George. Take a day or two to not rely on social networks to update you on old friends and let them tell you in voice how they are doing. these conversations can be soo refreshing.

Finally my day ending with me soaking in a hot tub relaxing tension out of muscles. I had just finished my first ever attempt at a Breast stroke and butterfly swimming technique. An attempt so comical that if Gold's Gym's security cams for that hour ever got out it would be an instant viral video and I would be forever known as the "Pool Seizure Guy."

The heat form the hot tub was the perfect thing to release not only the tension from the hour long convulsion fit I had just performed in the pool, but also for everything else that was melting away (mentally and physically).

So thank you to all those who contributed to yesterdays fine memories. I need to go back to the fetal position as my stomach is currently spasming from the first time use of the muscle required to swim the way I would have liked to yesterday.

cognoscor ego sum (I am known therefor I am) Part #1

For no reason at all here is a list of musicians I could love simply for there voice (all though they are all amazing musicians otherwise).

1. Leonard Cohen

Here is a great example of how his voice can create a mood. This is his song "Everybody Knows" and his deep gritty voice defines the depressing message of this song.



(other note he wrote the original version of the "hallelujah")



2. Tricky

Incase you are among the large percentage of people who have never heard Tricky let be the first to welcome to the other side of the road. Even if you never enjoy Trip Hop (a genre of music invented by Tricky and Goldie) you can't deny that his voice (which is not changed electronically) is mesmerizing.





3. Bob Dylan

Don't think I could make this list without mentioning Bob Freakin Dylan. His voice is almost as famous as he is. The music world would be unrecognizable without the influence of Dylans voice. Just imagine how bad this would sound sung by "Brittney Spears" as a matter of fact don't. Save yourself the pain.



4. Johnny Cash

This one is kinda personal. My voice dropped at the ripe age of 8. Needless to say I was pretty embarrassed being the only 8 year old with a voice deeper than his fathers, but my father used to sing Johnny cash with me to make me feel better about my voice (which by the way wasn't as bad as I felt it was the mind). It helped. So, this one goes out to my dad. he spent a good chunk of my life making me feel ok about being Bryan. This is just 1 example.



5. Nina Simone

Here is the 1st lady on the list. I can't really remember a time when I haven't heard Nina's voice. I must thank my family for bringing an abundance of influence into my life and allowing me to choose for myself which ones I wanted to follow. This is one of Ms. Simones songs that has always felt right to me. For one of the few things I want is to be understood.



6. Elliot Smith

There are too many amazing songs by E.S. to post em all. His imperfectly toned voice is the perfect fit for the beautifully painful lyrics he filled his songs with. With every word you could hear his pain and feel a little better knowing you are not alone in yours. I know this is a bit sappy but the next time you are sad just listen to E.S. and you will understand.





this is just part one of this blog stay tuned for the rest of my choices.

5 oclock in the AM

my AC is broken and in St. George that can be a freakin killer. it is currently 92 degrees in my room. so as you may well imagine i can not sleep.

I am just lying here annoyed and lonely. I am tired of being lonely. I sit here a lot of nights thinking about whether other people are thinking about me or whether they think of me at all. when you are isolated geographically from a lot of the people your mind can be your worst enemy. planting ideas in itself and filling your thoughts with strange quotas.

it really is difficult to explain but let me just say that I am lonely. It seems to happen mostly on the weekend, but the disgruntled feeling i have towards the crazy heat (that is only going to get worse), my broken AC, my inability to sleep, and other negative thoughts are all combining to a very un-Bryan like "me" at the moment.

or maybe it is very Bryan like and i just only see it at times. If it is I apologize to all those who have to deal with my disgruntled and angry ways.

either way: I need sleep. I am off to jump into a quick cooling shower then try this whole sleep thing again. thankfully I don't have to get up early. wish me luck!

my week so far

This week i got ot film my boss get his blood draw.


I also got to do pet of the week and just today i got to meet and interview this really good and fun artist. she is going up north to do the street chalk festival up at the gateway mall. so if you happen to go the the chalk art festival this friday/saturday try and find her this is the painting she will be recreating at the festival.


tell her i enjoy the reprint she gave me. this is a picture of it.



kinda creepy but i think its beautiful.

first week out of school and at work

being graduated feels pretty much the same as not being graduated. I started working at KCSG so far I am just shadowing watching how they do everything. I have been doing most of it for the last few years at the college so it is just me learning how they do it. I am pretty sure mostly I will be doing audio on the live broadcast of the news and being photojournalist for the anchors. so pretty much making the anchors look and sound good.

I have been really busy all week all the way up til Saturday when i got up at 6 am to drive 2 hours both ways to record a protest. i sent the story up to KSL in salt lake for their broadcast as well I don't know if they will use it but they asked for it.

so far work is pretty fun and pretty busy.

so busy that I didn't get to really talk to Rachael until Saturday night. she told me she is planning a few trips with friends. I am happy see is getting to see old friends and visit seattle (if she does get to go) but part of me is a bit jealous, st. George can be so boring sometimes.

I am really looking forward to the cruise we get to go on. i have never even been on a boat before. ever. thinking about that is kinda funny. i have never stepped on a boat before. not that i can remember.

so that is my week pretty fun and lots of new things.

lastly I still have a big portion of the ice cream cake Rachael bought me if anyone wants some i can't eat it all by myself.

IPOD on random can make or break your day

Weezer's cover of "The Weight" by the The Band came on my IPOD by random and it made my morning sooo much better.



have any experiences that are similar of Random making or breaking your day?

trying to blog more often

so if you want to hear the station i run here is the link to listen over the interweb thingy.

D-91 Radio

some things i learned about love

While up in Nephi for Christmas i learned a few things about that crazy little word called love:

1. how Rachael sees the word: if i understood right she saw that word used way too much as a kid from her family without as she put it "really meaning it," (ie.. love yah) and so she feels that the word should only be used when she truly feels it at that moment. it is not that she doesn't always love me she just feels an unspoken love is just as strong or stronger.

2. how i see the word: i rarely heard that word in my house an in the little times that it is used by my family is for reassurance that everything will be OK and i still love you even through the stumbles. so i like to hear it a lot more than most people cause if i don't hear it i get to my worrying ways and begin to thing something is wrong.

3. how it can make things worse: because of the aforementioned view of mine when Rachael is feeling down i feel a need to tell her that i love her to reassure. i think i am helping when in reality i am probably just reminding her of how the word can be thrown around and help nothing. so i am learning to tell her i love her by leaning up against her. and staying near her.

4. how Rachael shows it without saying it: i said this before but she holds my leg under the table and how good that makes me feel, but she does other things too. she apologizes for being angry when she does not need to, she thins of ways for both of us to get the blanket coverage we both want. she worries how much I like her gifts (she is a very good gift giver and i have yet to like any so far). these are just a few example of how she shows her love without having to say it.